The Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber

• With friends like them you don't need enemies.
• They don't knock before they enter your home-but they knock plenty after they leave it.
• They roll out the carpet for you one day and pull it out from under you the next.
• They are the kind who will borrow your pot and then cook your goose.
• They talk in stereo-out of both sides of their mouth.

The Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber is clandestine, sneaky, slick, secretive, uncommunicative, dishonest, seductive, sabotaging, selfish, phony, duplicitous, enigmatic, fake, conspiratorial, evasive, hypocritical, lying, mean-spirited, meddling, superficial, cowardly, untrustworthy, a double-crosser, and a turncoat.

The Opportunistic User

• She is always around when she needs you.
• He'll steal the teeth out of your mouth and then come back for your gums.
• When the money stops talking, she starts walking.
• He is a human gimme pig. 

The Opportunistic User is selfish, interfering, manipulative, backstabbing, brown-nosing, secretive, indirect, ass-kissing, disloyal, conspiratorial, dishonest, sneaky, unappreciative, underhanded, tenacious, and seductive.

 

The Mental Case

• You can't tell Mental Cases they are crazy- they will think you are.
• No wonder they fly off the handle- they have a screw loose.
• They need a checkup from the neck up.

The Mental Case may be unstable, overly emotional, or emotionless, enigmatic, exhausting, frightening, unreliable, volatile, unpredictable, out of control, abusive, acrimonious, argumentative, harsh, reclusive, sad, paranoid, sabotaging, difficult, rigid, brash, brazen, hateful, hyperkinetic, infantile, insane, intimidating, irrational, shallow, depressive, sadistic, confrontational, desperate, selfish, testy, offensive or defensive, suspicious, stubborn, morose, mean, threatened or threatening, maniacal, ambivalent, and masochistic.

The Bitchy, Bossy Bully

• When he wants your opinion he gives it to you.
• She's as overbearing as woman giving birth to quadruplets.
• He is like a crocodile; when he opens his mouth, you'd better be prepared to have him chew you up.
• After she sharpens her teeth, she sharpens her tongue. 

The Bitchy, Bossy Bully is abusive, acrimonious, adversarial, forceful, out of control, angry, argumentative, harsh, rejecting, rude, nagging, demanding, sharp, irrational, sadistic, cruel, difficult, defiant, crass, arrogant, infantile, intimidating, crude, fault-finding, pugnacious, macho, pushy, offensive, mean-spirited, mercurial, maniacal, loud, socially inept, threatening, condescending, volatile, uncommunicative, test, and stubborn.

 

The Meddler

• They belong to the "meddle" class.
• Her plastic surgeon was able to do everything with her nose but keep it out of other people's business.
• Their business is what none of their business.
• A good description of him would be fair to meddling. 

The Meddler is invasive, bold, judgmental, brazen, bulldozing, controlling, instigating, self-righteous, jealous, shameless, sharp-tongued, sneaky, gossipy, dogmatic, fault-finding, questioning, interfering, egotistical, sadistic, offensive, nosy, questioning, out of control, rude, annoying, conspiratorial, underhanded, offensive, and sabotaging,

 

The Cut-You-Downer

• They pick friends to pieces.
• Cars don't run down as many people as they do.
• They are the "knife" of the party.
• They have a tongue that could clip a hedge.  

The Cut-You-Downer is arrogant, mean, belittling, bitchy, hateful, self-righteous, condescending, threatened, superior, insecure, offensive, sarcastic, disrespectful, underhanded, and fault finding.

Cut-You-Downers have so little self-esteem that they will find fault with you and with everyone else they see. They get a thrill out of belittling and taunting others. They love to ridicule people especially strangers. Sitting in a restaurant or at an  airport with you, they will comment, "Look at how fat that person is" or "What an ugly man!" You, too, are an object of their cutting and sarcastic comments.

The Bullshitting Liar

• They are always selling themselves, but misrepresenting the goods.
• They not only kiss and tell, they kiss and exaggerate. 
• It's not so much that they exaggerate; they just remember big.
• You can believe half of what they tell you. The problem is which half.

The Bullshitting Liar is untrustworthy, bold, fake, seductive, clandestine, dishonest, interfering, a know-it-all, shameless, effusive, enigmatic, fault-finding, manipulative, obnoxious, gossipy, unpredictable, unreliable, weak, unrealistic, backstabbing, double-crossing, selfish, and dishonest.