The Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber

• With friends like them you don't need enemies.
• They don't knock before they enter your home-but they knock plenty after they leave it.
• They roll out the carpet for you one day and pull it out from under you the next.
• They are the kind who will borrow your pot and then cook your goose.
• They talk in stereo-out of both sides of their mouth.

The Smiling Two-Faced Backstabber is clandestine, sneaky, slick, secretive, uncommunicative, dishonest, seductive, sabotaging, selfish, phony, duplicitous, enigmatic, fake, conspiratorial, evasive, hypocritical, lying, mean-spirited, meddling, superficial, cowardly, untrustworthy, a double-crosser, and a turncoat.

The Opportunistic User

• She is always around when she needs you.
• He'll steal the teeth out of your mouth and then come back for your gums.
• When the money stops talking, she starts walking.
• He is a human gimme pig. 

The Opportunistic User is selfish, interfering, manipulative, backstabbing, brown-nosing, secretive, indirect, ass-kissing, disloyal, conspiratorial, dishonest, sneaky, unappreciative, underhanded, tenacious, and seductive.

 

The Mental Case

• You can't tell Mental Cases they are crazy- they will think you are.
• No wonder they fly off the handle- they have a screw loose.
• They need a checkup from the neck up.

The Mental Case may be unstable, overly emotional, or emotionless, enigmatic, exhausting, frightening, unreliable, volatile, unpredictable, out of control, abusive, acrimonious, argumentative, harsh, reclusive, sad, paranoid, sabotaging, difficult, rigid, brash, brazen, hateful, hyperkinetic, infantile, insane, intimidating, irrational, shallow, depressive, sadistic, confrontational, desperate, selfish, testy, offensive or defensive, suspicious, stubborn, morose, mean, threatened or threatening, maniacal, ambivalent, and masochistic.

The Bitchy, Bossy Bully

• When he wants your opinion he gives it to you.
• She's as overbearing as woman giving birth to quadruplets.
• He is like a crocodile; when he opens his mouth, you'd better be prepared to have him chew you up.
• After she sharpens her teeth, she sharpens her tongue. 

The Bitchy, Bossy Bully is abusive, acrimonious, adversarial, forceful, out of control, angry, argumentative, harsh, rejecting, rude, nagging, demanding, sharp, irrational, sadistic, cruel, difficult, defiant, crass, arrogant, infantile, intimidating, crude, fault-finding, pugnacious, macho, pushy, offensive, mean-spirited, mercurial, maniacal, loud, socially inept, threatening, condescending, volatile, uncommunicative, test, and stubborn.

 

The Meddler

• They belong to the "meddle" class.
• Her plastic surgeon was able to do everything with her nose but keep it out of other people's business.
• Their business is what none of their business.
• A good description of him would be fair to meddling. 

The Meddler is invasive, bold, judgmental, brazen, bulldozing, controlling, instigating, self-righteous, jealous, shameless, sharp-tongued, sneaky, gossipy, dogmatic, fault-finding, questioning, interfering, egotistical, sadistic, offensive, nosy, questioning, out of control, rude, annoying, conspiratorial, underhanded, offensive, and sabotaging,

 

The Cut-You-Downer

• They pick friends to pieces.
• Cars don't run down as many people as they do.
• They are the "knife" of the party.
• They have a tongue that could clip a hedge.  

The Cut-You-Downer is arrogant, mean, belittling, bitchy, hateful, self-righteous, condescending, threatened, superior, insecure, offensive, sarcastic, disrespectful, underhanded, and fault finding.

Cut-You-Downers have so little self-esteem that they will find fault with you and with everyone else they see. They get a thrill out of belittling and taunting others. They love to ridicule people especially strangers. Sitting in a restaurant or at an  airport with you, they will comment, "Look at how fat that person is" or "What an ugly man!" You, too, are an object of their cutting and sarcastic comments.

The Bullshitting Liar

• They are always selling themselves, but misrepresenting the goods.
• They not only kiss and tell, they kiss and exaggerate. 
• It's not so much that they exaggerate; they just remember big.
• You can believe half of what they tell you. The problem is which half.

The Bullshitting Liar is untrustworthy, bold, fake, seductive, clandestine, dishonest, interfering, a know-it-all, shameless, effusive, enigmatic, fault-finding, manipulative, obnoxious, gossipy, unpredictable, unreliable, weak, unrealistic, backstabbing, double-crossing, selfish, and dishonest.

The Skeptical Paranoid

• You can never tell him he is skeptical or paranoid, because he will never believe you.
• She thought everyone against her was following her, but then she didn't believe it.
• He thinks the world is against him, and he is right.

The Skeptical Paranoid is intimidated, spineless, negative, fearful, complaining, self-destructive, depressive, irrational, judgmental, limited, tentative, timid, questioning, resentful, dogmatic, egotistical, insecure, masochistic, victim-like, fault-finding, rejecting, rigid, scared, threatened, weak, unstable, unrealistic, nonbelieving, contradicting, always doubting, and unconfident.

The Instigator

• They seldom repeat gossip the way they heard it.
• They can't leave bad enough alone.
• They suffer from acute indiscretion.

The Instigator is sabotaging, meddling, controlling, interfering, indiscreet, sadistic, negative, angry, adversarial, backstabbing, judgmental, fault finding, sneaky, hurtful, jealous, spineless, pushy, unreliable, untrustworthy, petty, lying offensive, manipulative, disrespectful, confrontational, critical, troublemaking, and double-crossing. 

The Emotional Refrigerator

• They have as much expression as a pickled herring.
• They have the personality of the back wall of a handball court. 
• When they give a blood transfusion, the patient get pneumonia from the ice water in his veins. 

The Emotional Refrigerator is cold, calm, aloof, emotionless, secretive, quiet, dishonest, indifferent, intimidated, limited, insecure, unreliable, unexpressive, fearful, rejecting, unevolved, enigmatic, uncommunicative, cowardly, unpredictable, suspicious, and depressed.

The Accusing Critic

• She spends most of her time at the complaint counter.
• They stopped dating and started intimidating.
• He'll ask a question, answer it himself, and then tell you what's wrong with it. 

The Accusing Critic is complaining, intimidating, fault finding, bitchy, attacking, blunt, whiny, uncommunicative, hateful, instigating, irrational, jealous, a Know-it-all, sadistic, self righteous, sharp-tongued, shameless, abusive, acrimonious, annoying, obnoxious, rejecting, rigid, dogmatic, overemotional, negative, unreasonable, questioning, pugnacious, unrealistic, petty, nitpicking, dissatisfied, testy, rebellious, condescending, controlling, disrespectful, offensive, meddling, threatened, threatening, suspicious, mean-spirited, and a perfectionist.


 

The Control Freak

• They call him Bus Driver- he tells everyone where to get off.
• He married his secretary. thinking he'd continue to dictate to her.
• She believes in law and order, just as long as she can lay down the law and give orders.

The Control Freak is invasive, sabotaging, rigid, manipulative, arrogant, aggressive, forceful, backstabbing, bulldozing, self-righteous, meddling, confrontational, dogmatic, egotistical, obstinate, pushy, unreasonable, stubborn, selfish, unaware, threatened, threatening, disrespecting, uncommunicative, stubborn, tenacious, and unevolved.

Much like Bitchy, Bossy Bullies, they are immobilized if not in control. However unlike Bullies, they don't always use anger or meanness to get what they want. Control Freaks often use sweet talk and manipulation.

Control Freaks are not team players and have difficulty delegating authority, as they try to do everything themselves. If things don't go their way, they get angry or lose interest, for for they feel they must orchestrate every move. They set themselves up for lives filled with frustration and disappointment by never going with the flow. Instead they force things to happen, and when things don't go their rigid way they panic and become either angrier or more manipulative.

 

The Arrogant Know-It-All

• She's smart-a regular encyclopedia. On thing she doesn't know is that reference books are never taken out.
• They know all the answers, but nobody asks them the questions.
• If they can't boast about knowing something, they boast about not knowing it.

The Arrogant Know-It-All is pretentious, confrontational, insecure, socially inept, exhausting, manipulative, pedantic, limited, non communicative, judgmental, selfish, self-righteous, pushy, rejecting, annoying, rigid, unaware, stubborn, condescending, sarcastic, controlling, offensive, talkative, and critical.

Arrogant Know-It-Alls don't know anything at all when it comes to dealing with people. Though they may seem to know everything and have all the self-confidence in the world, they are really very insecure people. Otherwise they wouldn't have to let everyone know how smart they are and how much information they have stored in their brain.

Arrogant Know-It-Alls usually talk at you, not with you. In fact, they often act as though by talking to you they are doing you a favor. They enjoy using big words and are very quick to put down your ideas. The condecending tone makes you feel like a dummy, while they in turn feel smarter.

Another tactic of Arrogant Know-It-Alls is to overwhelm you with data and information. You don't have a chance to even compete with them, much less talk about anything intelligently. Since they know it all, they can never be open minded enough to learn more, especially if you are the one talking to them.

Varieties of Abuse

Emotional Abuse: Puts down abused, name calls, mind games, mental coercion, extreme controlling behaviors, withholds affection, causes abused to lose identity.

Female Privilege: Demeans men, believes women are superior to men, tells jokes that put men down, believes men are helpless, treats husband like child. 

Financial Abuse: Vehicles and property in abuser’s name only, spends money of abused, uses credit or savings to make abused dependent, restricts employment of abused, makes abused ask for money, gives abused allowance, requires accounting for every penny spent. 

Humiliations: Hostile humor, publicly humiliates, criticizes, degrades appearance, parenting skills, housekeeping, cooking, etc. 

Intimidation: Uses looks, actions, gestures, and voice to rouse fear, argues continuously, demands that victim says what he/she wants to hear.

Isolation: Controls what is done, who is seen, who is talked to, limits or listens in on phone calls, sabotages car, restricts outside interests, restricts access to mail. 

Knowledge Abuse: Uses Knowledge gained through therapy, seminars, and self help books to abuse spouse, but doesn’t take responsibility for personal behaviors. 

Male Privilege:  Treats spouse like servant, makes all of the decisions, acts like “master of the castle,” insists upon defining roles that elevate him subordinates her. 

Medical Abuse: Inflicts wounds and does not allow medical treatment, medical treatment denied for normal health issues.

Physical Abuse: Beating, biting, choking, grabbing, kicking, pinching, pulling hair, restraining, scratching, shaking, shoving, slapping, twisting arms, using weapons. 

Power: Denies basic rights, uses the law to enforce power, deprives victim of private or personal life, mandates duties, controls everything. 

Property Violence: Punches walls, destroys property, breaks down doors, pounds tables, abuses pets, etc.

Religious Abuse: Treats scripture as a weapon, specifically words such as “submission” and “obey,” uses spiritual language to manipulate and control. 

Responsibility Abuse: Makes victim responsible for everything in life, for example: bills, parenting, etc. 

Sexual Abuse: Demands bizarre sexual acts, commits physical attacks, treats spouse as a sex object, interrupts sleep for sex, forces sex, exhibits extreme jealousy.

Silence: Uses silence as a weapon, does not communicate, does not express emotion.

Stalking: Spies on the abused, follows the victim to places and activities, displays extreme distrust and jealousy. 

Threats: Threatens to end the relationship, threatens emotional or physical harm, threatens life, threatens to take children, threatens to commit suicide. Uses Children: Relays messages through children, uses visitation rights to harass, uses child support as leverage.

Verbal Abuse: Curses, accuses, name-calls, uses past to control and manipulate, commits mental blackmail, makes unreasonable demands.

Sociologist Murray Straus states that the true rate of physical abuse within marriages involves approximately 50% or 60% of all marriages, rather than the 28% who report it.